There are “peaks and valleys” in every relationship as we go through our years of being together. “Peaks” are when all is going smoothly, “Valleys” are when we are struggling or when there is outside stress. Some of these are a normal part of the relationship cycle, like the birth or adoption of a child, a memorable vacation or trip together, a medical issue that one is facing, or loss of a job. By realizing that both peaks and valleys are a normal part of your relationship, you can anticipate some of them and communicate with each other about your feelings and your needs during those times.
For your couple discussion,
- share some of the peak times that you have experienced in your relationship. Talk about the feelings that you have had during those times.
- share about some of the valleys that have happened to you as a couple. What was that like for each of you? Again, be sure that you share the feelings.
Also, it is good to remember that there are small valleys in the peaks and small peaks in the valleys. For instance, when you have been on a wonderful trip, something may occur that causes a valley, like a disagreement or a disappointment. But hopefully, you choose not to stay there but go back to your peak. The same would be true of a valley that you have or are experiencing. Right now, many of us are experiencing a valley with the “pandemic” that we are in. But even in the middle of this experience there can be a peak time or moment, like watching your children or grandchildren play, having quiet time together, fixing and eating a meal together, exploring some place together that both feel safe and comfortable together. Remember to ask for help if you seem to be stuck in the valleys. And remember to acknowledge the peaks.
Carl and Nancy Terry