When we come together in our couple relationship, we bring our own unique personalities. Carl Jung and others, like Myers and Briggs, have helped us develop a better understanding of ourselves and those with whom we interact most closely – our partner, our spouse.
Typically, we do not marry someone with a personality just like ourselves. Most couples find that they were attracted to each other because of those personality differences like introvert/extrovert or Thinking vs. Feeling. While those differences initially attract us to others, the closer we become those same differences can become the rubs or pinches in our relationship.
In this blog, we will focus on Thinking and Feeling. Everyone has both traits and usually we are a blend, but we have a preference.
What do we mean by Thinking and Feeling? We will use the personality preferences definitions of Myers Briggs.
Feeling-oriented individuals prefer to make their best decisions by weighing what people care about and what is best for the people involved. They try to establish or maintain harmony. They make decisions with their heart and want to be compassionate.
Thinking individuals prefer to find the basic truth or principle involved regardless of the situation, using logically consistent pros and cons. They tend to be impersonal and do not let personal wishes or other people’s wishes influence them.
So how do we resolve these differences or use them to make the best decisions for us as a couple. We can choose to argue with each other trying to get our point of view across or we can listen to each other and accept the differences. We need to remember that we are a team. We can then use the strength of each of us to make the best decision for us as a couple.
Homework: Decide if you have a thinking or feeling preference. Is there something you need to share with your partner? Then take responsibility for you own thoughts and feelings. Step back and assess what you are thinking and feeling. Let your partner know what you are thinking/feeling. They are not mind readers. Use your best communication skills to share with each other your point of view. Remember to listen to each other.
-Carl and Nancy Terry